" That makes sense, and it helps to explain something that has puzzledme. Once you found yourself in Europe, couldn't you have just as easilydisguised yourself as a man?" Don't think I haven't asked myself that question a thousand times, Mom.It wasn't till last night that I discovered the answer." You mean our dress up sessions when you were little...." From the moment that Tracy first helped me dress up in her clothes, weboth knew that something scary was going on. I mean, I took to it soeasily, Tracy couldn't believe how good I looked as a girl. Then, whenI hooked up with Jacques in Paris, he told me that I was the mostnaturally feminine person he ever met. How's that for a shot to a guy'sego?" But you never came across as effeminate once I stopped...." Once you stopped dressing me up as a girl? I guess it was still thereall along, buried down deep inside." What have I done?" "You saved my life, Mom. It's not the life I wanted for myself, butit's mine now, and I'm going to. "You say Spook tells you nobody seems to know—that you're actually Jack Heyward, that is. Richard told you, based on his knowledge of Estrada, that it seemed likely to him, too. Right?" Well ... right, I guess," I said."You guess? Or it's what they said?" It's what they said," I admitted."OK, then. Now, they could be wrong. Spook was, about Estrada last time, wasn't he?" Yeah," I told her. "And that's exactly what's 'eating me away, ' as you put it. Suppose he is? Suppose somebody else out there knows about Carstairs being Heyward, and knows what Heyward can do—is supposed to be able to do, hacking the whole world? And suppose that one just picks up where Estrada left off?" Makes you a target?" That's it." Then you're in the bull's-eye, not Johnnie and me, right?" she asked bluntly."Well ... yes, but look how it worked out last time," I protested."Only because he couldn't get to you directly," she pointed out. "Because somebody tipped him off that you were setting a trap for him,.
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